Change Your Mind?

Last Week I was checking out the our little local newspaper online.  I was looking for a column written by a local politician.  As I scrolled thru the list of columns I came across the title for my own column, which I had posted to a grand total of once.  Last year, when I posted, I was so certain it would be the year I would consistently write in to the paper.  I would finally have found my thing and I would send my articles far and wide to different foodie type publications.  Ha!

I ran into someone recently whom I had promised a fundraising dinner held in my new home.  She asked if I had changed my mind about the dinner as she hadn’t heard from me in a while.  I assured her that this was not the case.  But there was something nagging at me, something about the way she’d asked if I had changed my mind.

The thing is, as a stay at home mom, I spent my kids’ youth volunteering.  I felt like that was my job.  That I had to do volunteer time, I even hired babysitters for my younger kid in order to do so.

As the first two of the three were graduating I decided to try all sorts of different things around my community, and yes, I often changed my mind.  I never felt that I promised anything that I didn’t deliver, but I have to think that perhaps others felt I did.  But in fact, it was very important for me to maintain my integrity when leaving a board or a job or a project.  But leave I did.  Nothing stuck, nothing felt right.  I just changed my mind.

Eventually, it got to the point that every time I stepped out of my car at the school I was asked to help with something.  I grew weary and started to just say no.  You probably know, it’s not easy to say no, but that’s the choice I made.

I retired.

But now I’m stuck in the rut of what’s next.  What is next for me?

My husband and I celebrate 25 years together in July.  I’m only 42 years old.  The world is full of opportunities for me to try.  I’ll have ample opportunity to change my mind.  My husband, bless his corporate job loving heart, is open to whatever I choose, as long as I’m happy and head over heels in love with him.  It’s not hard to be head over heels in love with him.  He’s a loving, conscientious, caring soul who dotes on me, makes a wonderful living and genuinely and unconditionally loves those whom give him the same love in return.   And as an added bonus, we are really good together in the sack, and that makes up for a lot!

We purchased our “dream” house this year.  We have a view over the city and over the river levy.  The same levy we’ve walked the dogs on the last 7 years.

The house is 30 years old, built by the original owners own hands with the help of their family and friends. The kitchen, garage and bathrooms were remodeled 6 years ago.  The house is perfect for entertaining with an extensive stone patio surrounding the house and facing the view.  There is a delightful Goldfish and Koi fountain with a waterfall and a lush planting of native shrubs and trees surrounding it.

There are 3 acres in total.

An enchanting garden area hosts a cedar gazebo with a green tin roof, the cutest copper rain chains and an exquisite iron candelabra style chandelier.  A very large ornate stone potting shelf sits inside the gazebo and one loan wooden folding chair, rough with age.  It’s enchanting.  In front of the gazebo is a round granite fire circle with  large rock accents,  a step up from the fire circle are 9 raised beds roughly 3 feet tall and 3 feet wide by 9 feet long.  The full moon shines down early and the waning sun shines down late on the beds, though thru the winter the whole area stays frosty and white, a surreal looking secret garden with concrete pathways leading back to the round-about driveway.

Roses and Herbs stand tall with a giant Butterfly Bush where low growing Strawberries creep.  Wild Native flowers like Columbine and Buttercups and Ladies Mantle protect the Secret Garden area.  Boxwood hedges form around a path of red rock in a sort of semi-circle with 3 separate entrances, a circle forms at the intersection of the paths, perfect for a bistro set of table and chairs and a sunny respite for midday tea.

The red rocked pathways lead to winding concrete pathways that make their way to the entrance of the garden. They wind through beds of Lemon Balm growing wildly abundant with chocolate Mint snaking through.  I recently added catnip and peppermint and pineapple mint.   There are chives that grow here blocking the stone steps leading to the lemon balm, an odd position for them to rest in, but I appreciate their purple flowers and aromatics anyway. A bed of Tarragon and Lemongrass, Marjoram, Oregano and hidden Hyssop seeds mirrors the Lemon Balm bed.

The entrance to the garden boasts a large Wooden Trellis with a climbing Evergreen Tree spiraling around and through one side up to the top,  purple blooming Clematis winds thru the other side. A rope light adds evening appeal swirling through the top in a soft glow.

Crossing the driveway leads to a flat lawn with a bed of wild Roses and oddly shaped Evergreen Trees at one end, and at the other an English style garden with a life size Chess canopied by two sturdy Pie Cherry Trees.

It’s a lovely place, truly perfect for entertaining.  And I do have grand plans for entertaining!  But that dinner that I planned, the fundraiser dinner, no, I didn’t change my mind.  Life just keeps changing.

My husband and I promised each other that we would make no new moves financially wise or job wise for a year after we made this big change to a new home; And like all well laid plans that eventually go up in flames, a job change did in fact come, one in which my husband would be gone during the week traveling around the western states, and the need for acquiring an apartment as base camp in San Francisco became evident, and so we adjust.  But adjustment takes time.

I will get back to that fundraiser, because I said I would.  And today I am posting an article to my column of the local newspaper, and maybe it will make it to print.  And today I will spend a little time working on the great American novel, and I will post this little thought bubble here to my blog.  I will make some Whole Wheat Rolls and play with some Rhubarb; But I’m not making any promises for what’s to come next.  I’ll hold those cards close to my chest, just in case I change my mind.





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